When you have been through something that you never imagined yourself going through, like a death of a spouse or a best friend or like me, you have experienced both. When you have prayed and prayed for something and things didn’t turn out the way you thought they should. In reality it’s easy to be on the verge of losing your faith. You feel like your heart could never heal from such a deep wound. We begin to question God. “Do you really answer prayers?” Or “Why do you heal some and not others?”
I have always been a visual learner, I pay attention to details. A lot of people in the medical field are really good at that. We can walk into a room and tell you what’s going on without even asking questions. I promise that Jesus can speak any language your heart can listen to. He has given me 3 visions in my entire life and each one, I knew it was him. Like Mary, (the mother of Jesus) I have treasured it in my heart and I have brought it out and prayed and pondered over it. I believe he wanted my heart and others to make this very important connection. He showed me the day my husband truly surrendered his life over to him. He let me see him, he was alone and lying on a hospital bed newly paralyzed. He was crying with a broken body and a broken heart. Then I felt the Lord speak to my heart and he said, “He became totally dependent on me.” It wasn’t myself or my skills or anything I have done. Dane became totally dependent on Jesus that day, not me.
Our Lord came to this broken world incarnate crying for all humanity. He was later led to die a criminal’s death on a cross that was meant for me and you. During his years of ministry on this earth he not only showed us how we should live but he has showed us how to pray. Every time scripture mentions Jesus praying, he would go and be alone with the father. I am paraphrasing but in the book of Acts it says that he would be in the throne room of God, while his physical body was still on earth. Sometimes he would pray all night and while he was praying in the garden of Gethsemane he prayed so hard that drops of blood poured from his face. He spent quality time with God. Then, when he would return to the 12 disciples he performed mighty miracles. We have access to that very same power through the Holy Spirit but it has to come from an overflow of the closeness we share with Jesus. To receive this vital gift we have to confess with our mouths and believe with our hearts that Jesus is the son of the living God. After Simon Peter’s confession that was brought by the spirit and only understood because of the spirit of God. He blessed him and gave him the keys. We to have the keys and through him, we have the power. He said, “whatever is loosed on earth, shall be loosed in Heaven and whatever is locked on earth, shall be locked in Heaven.” We must make him first priority of our lives, worship him, pray, listen, and obey to experience this constant overflow! Whenever I feel my grief trying to consume me, I will stop and take a personal inventory of what I am spending most of my time doing. If time with Jesus isn’t the first and the very last part of my day and some in between! I will soon find myself being led by my emotions or circumstances. Both of those 2 things cannot lead us because they constantly change. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever! I would rather pick the latter because he can be trusted.
I am no longer suffering with PTSD, I am no longer crying every second of every day. Today is the anniversary of my best friend’s tragic death that happened in 2004. Tomorrow is mine and Dane’s first wedding anniversary apart. But I want to let you know that I have an unexplained joy and peace that can only come from above. I have seen suffering and I have lived it, but through all of it I had never seen and felt the presence of God like that before. We are missing miracles in the everyday because we don’t have the eyes (hearts) to see them. When we suffer and struggle we naturally have something inside of us that immediately wants to cry out for help. Just like Peter, we have to sink but when we call out to him, he will answer us. He may not answer your prayer the way you thought he should but he ALWAYS answers. In his sovereignty, he said no to healing Dane’s cancer. But I can testify to his miraculous spiritual healing among many others and setting him free from addiction. I am a daughter of The King with a broken heart that still claims his goodness and has witnessed his miracles and I plan to see many more! So this Christmas try not to focus on all that you have lost but focus on the one that came to set captives free. He’s our true gift. God bless and Merry Christmas to all. ~Missy